December 2011
1 post
A Holiday Gift Guide for the Uninspired
For the Asshole Who Brought You Into This World:
Coffee, meat, sports-related items, books with broad popularity, e.g., John Grisham or Steven King.
For the Bitch Who Brought You Into This World:
Tea, chocolate, home-related items, books with broad popularity, e.g., Nicholas Sparks or Janet Evanovich.
For the Asshole Who Got You Pregnant:
See above “For the Asshole who Brought You...
November 2011
2 posts
4 tags
September 2011
1 post
June 2011
1 post
Advice for parents who travel via subway:
When traveling on the train, one is able to witness a lot of great parenting skills. Here’s some tips I’ve learned through observation over the years:
1. Discipline
Is your kid annoyingly discussing the painting they made at daycare or singing a song they made up about frogs? Can you tell by the smiles of other passengers that this is starting to annoy them as well? Immediately tell your child...
April 2011
1 post
January 2011
1 post
December 2010
1 post
October 2009
1 post
WatchAnother ONN joke I wrote appears in this video: “MARLBORO MARKETS NEW ‘EXTRA TAR’ CIGARETTES TO SELF-LOATHING SMOKERS”
April 2009
2 posts
WatchAnother ONN video with a joke I wrote: “When incorporating food into sex, hindsight is 20/20-Next ‘Today Now’”
WatchAnother one of my jokes on the scroll of an ONN video from a month or so ago: “Gerber introduces new ‘Gerber Red’ toddler drink containing caffeine and B vitamins.”
March 2009
1 post
WatchAnother of my jokes made it into an ONN video. It’s at the very end: ”Farty Hostage Released From Captivity.”
January 2009
2 posts
WatchOne of my jokes has made it into an Onion News Network video. It’s at the beginning of the scrolling headline here: “STUDY FINDS HORSEBACK RIDING JUST AN EXPENSIVE FORM OF SITTING.” The rest of the video (Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard) is also very funny.
September 2008
1 post
July 2008
2 posts
