A Holiday Gift Guide for the Uninspired

For the Asshole Who Brought You Into This World: 

Coffee, meat, sports-related items, books with broad popularity, e.g., John Grisham or Steven King. 

 

For the Bitch Who Brought You Into This World: 

Tea, chocolate, home-related items, books with broad popularity, e.g., Nicholas Sparks or Janet Evanovich.

 

For the Asshole Who Got You Pregnant:

See above “For the Asshole who Brought You into this World” section.

 

For the Bitch You Got Pregnant:

See Above “For the Bitch who Brought You into this World


For The Asshole Who Might Get You Pregnant:

See above “For the Asshole who Brought You into this World” section. Also, video games.

 

For the The Bitch You Might Get Pregnant:

See above “For the Bitch You got Pregnant” section. Also, jewelry. 

 

For Your Asshole Spawn: 

Video games.

 

For Your Asshole Spawn’s Asshole Spawn:

See above “For your Asshole spawn” section. Also, Video games. 

 

For Seeing-Impaired Assholes:

Audiobooks with broad popularity, e.g., John Grisham or Steven King.

 

For Seeing-Impaired Bitches:

Audiobooks with broad popularity, e.g., Nicholas Sparks or Janet Evanovich. 

 

For Some Random Asshole(s) You Know: 

Modern Family: The Complete Second Season on Blu-Ray. 

 

For Some Random Bitch(es) You Know: 

See above “For Some Random Asshole(s) You Know” section. 

Dec 15 2011

Text