Advice for parents who travel via subway:
When traveling on the train, one is able to witness a lot of great parenting skills. Here’s some tips I’ve learned through observation over the years:
1. Discipline
Is your kid annoyingly discussing the painting they made at daycare or singing a song they made up about frogs? Can you tell by the smiles of other passengers that this is starting to annoy them as well? Immediately tell your child to stop and be quiet. If they giggle at you and keep singing in gibberish, try shaking them a little. If they’re in a stroller, move them to the seat next to you. If they’re in the seat next to you, put them back in the stroller. This shows that you mean business. For cases of extreme cuteness, a good slap on the face will set them straight. You’ll know you’ve done your job when the laughter has turned to tears and the people who were smiling at your child will no longer make eye-contact with you.
2. Strollers
Find as large a stroller as possible so that it takes up most of the subway staircase and is too heavy to be carried down. This way you can slowly bump it down each step. If anyone offers to help you carry the stroller down the stairs, tell them you’re fine. You don’t want to inconvenience people or show signs of weakness. If you have a child old enough to walk down the stairs, keep them directly next to you so that no one can squeeze past. You deserve to get to the train first because you have children. It’s the same as with lifeboats. Once on the train, be sure to knock into a few people with the stroller. It encourages them to get out of the way and clear a seat for you.
3. Snacks
Everyone knows how annoying it is when you’re taking your kids home at midnight on a Tuesday and they start passing out in the seat next to you. Prevent this by bringing along some Cheetos and a can of soda with a straw. Make sure the soda is caffeinated. This also doubles as a good breakfast to get them going in the morning. If you can’t manage to fit this in your purse just grab some McDonalds french fries somewhere along the way. These type of disposable snacks are great because you can just leave them on the seat or floor when you exit the train.
4. Texting
Do it. As often as possible. What’s that you say? There’s no underground cell-phone service? That doesn’t stop you from reading through old texts stored in your phone! Better yet, put your headphones in to drown out the sound of your child’s wailing so that you can really focus on the text exchange. It’s not every Tuesday that you hear a rumor that your baby daddy got some slut pregnant. Just every other month or so.
5. Grooming
Take a look at your nails. Subway rides are a great time for grooming, be it your hair, nails, or makeup. It’s also a lot more pleasant than looking at the huge chunk of snot sliding down your kid’s face. God, kids are gross! Reassure yourself that their Cheeto-y nastiness is not a reflection on you by always carrying a mirror.
6. Observe
Not totally confident in your parenting abilities after reading this? Just watch the parents who lead by example every day. The subway is full of everyday heroes like the woman in this video:
